My Year of Contentment in Review

Just shy of my 26th birthday I stumbled upon a quote that stated, "Don't travel for a new life, instead focus on a life you don't have to run away from." That struck a nerve deep inside me, because for me I travel to experience new cultures and to expand my mind but deep down the truth was I was wander because nothing was keeping me happy at home.

I decided of all the year's this year would be my year of contentment. A year where I would value all the things I take for granted and learn how to be happy without making goal lists every month, week, day, or sadly hour. I am a true dichotomy of extremely anal and spontaneous. For me I wake up with at least 5 goals and go to bed never satisfied with what I have accomplished. Truthfully, it is a living hell.

I guess I am like a hummingbird, still in a moment yet constantly in motion. The quest for me to find contentment began and now 10 months later I do believe I found out something: I don't like being content. So how did I begin this journey, I put down my pen and I stopped making strategic plans for my life. I mean who makes a SWOT analysis on their own personality? I decided to face one of my many fears: rejection.

I fear rejection like most people fear heights. It's why I don't date well. The constant thought of someone judging and evaluating me sends me into a nervous stupor and before it's over my nerves block me out of every getting date number two. I think I subconsciously do it, to make sure no every gets in so that no one can every truly break my heart. It's my way of still being in control even when I am not.  So how did I decided to face this fear of rejection, I auditioned for the Charleston Light Oprea Guild's production of Hello Dolly. I missed the first call of auditions do to just pure fear. I sat in the parking lot but couldn't bring myself to tryout because what if I did make it, what if I failed? Two days later a second round of auditions commenced and I knew that I needed to do it for bigger reasons than just being in a musical. I needed to grow past my anxiety or fear of being analyzed. I needed to learn to just not care. So with sweaty palms, a shaky voice and an instant outbreak of hives I auditioned singing amazing grace. It was a horrible audition and and even horrible dance audition which is my forte. I , the constant perfectionist, was so imperfect. For once I didn't care, I was just elated I made the cast.

Since then I have auditioned for other plays and I get more comfortable each time. I have come to understand that my only weakness is my own doubt in myself. Nothing outwardly is causing me to be nervous, the hindrance is my own self doubt. What else am I holding myself back from in I am doubting myself? So what does all this have to do with contentment? It is simple, if you are content with yourself then you aren't doubting what you aren't or are doing. You are completely comfortable. That was my mission to accomplish, to alleviate my doubts about myself and just be a stronger woman.

This year has taught me so many lessons about myself and about others. I have went through almost losing my Dad to a pulmonary embolism, changing jobs, my grandma passing, accepting new challenges, and traveling to new places. I would say of the last 4 years this has been the least defining year, but as I write this I am not sure. I went into my 26th year with no expectations and what I got was a sense of self assurance. I am, Rachel Coffman. I am that girl who dreams bigger than she needs too, makes too many goals (but always accomplishes them), drinks out of the milk carton (hey, no one is perfect), has a tendency to see the good in people when they don't deserve it, never unpacks my suitcase, and the list goes on. This is the time I have accepted I am me, with no self doubt.  I am the sum of all my weaknesses, my strengths, improvements, and my failures.  I couldn't be more happier to be me. That was the end goal, to no longer wonder where I belong in this world, but to be accepting of where I was and own that moment in time.

Life can be "content' without settling for contentment.  I disagree with the quote I first mentioned. I don't see how travelling means you are running away from a life. You are creating a life much richer. Travelling doesn't mean crossing oceans or international borders, it is a state of mind to go freely without bias. I have had so many fears torn down by meeting people from different cultures and those experiences allowed me to be more open in my daily life. Being aware of how small your presence is in this world is the thing that makes you want to change it all that more. You must step out of your comfort zone to know where you are comfortable and what you can surprisingly endure. I am proud to be a hummingbird, always in motion and always learning.

Stepping Out of The Confort Zone

It's always that first step. Whether its stepping onto a stage to sing your first note in front of a crowd or climbing the ladder to the high dive, its the first initial step that is the hardest.  I went roller staking for the first time in over a decade last weekend and even though it's something I used to do all the time, the minute I laced those stakes up I was nervous. Nervous about falling, nervous about failure.

Why is it we get anxiety? Why is it most of the time our only barrier to the things we want is our own fears and insecurities? As soon as I launched off onto the floor and began staking, the anxiety went away and the childhood joy came back.  The sad thing all the things we are afraid to accomplish are really not that scary.  We just have to learn to take that first step.

I know its a lot easier said than done....

You'll Never Be As Young As You Are Now......

For all of you that truly know me, it has been said I go after my goals like a bull in a china shop. Steadily, attacking each one and marking them off one by one. Although I like to have set goals, I still enjoy the vagueness of life.  My other amazing trait is I tend to make fast quick decisions.  I decided to get my MBA one night and then two days later was accepted to a program and the other day woke up and said I want to see another continent this year which one? Africa or South America?

Since I am not quite ready for a leap into true solo travel, I am exploring South America on a group tour but going solo. It should be a great experience and I am truly loving the thought of taking a trip with a bunch of strangers across the globe.  You can learn so much from people rather than places. I chose an option to room with a perfectly good stranger, now may say I am crazy but it is all apart of the experience and being open to life. Life doesn't exist in your 5 block radius, there are so many cultures and so many people to learn from.  I seriously, can't wait! I will try to update daily about my trip since I am still new to this whole blog thing.

My parents are about to have stroke and probably are wishing their daughter wasn't a travel obsessed freak but hey they should have brought home all those old geography text books and that globe for me Christmas '90. Ever since then, I have been planning my escape. Three years ago, I was too scared to go after the things I want and I was too scared to do them alone. I guess one of my biggest lessons of my youth is learning the power of belief in yourself.  Most triumphs are not about conquering physical adventures or challenges. Most are purely internal. Take ourselves from our own fears and when you do that there is no stopping yourself.

I think what I am excited the most for is the Tango lesson in Buenos Aires and of course the food!!!! Also, here lately I have been a waterfall chaser and Iguzau Falls is probably going to blow me away.

These places have been on my list for a long time and in the next five years I have these on my radar: Thailand, South Africa, Australia, Peru, Italy, Hawaii and Eastern Europe. My mom when I started telling her these long term travel plans started crying and asking me, "Why I didn't want normal things and normal goals, like a house a family."  She says my big dreams aren't going to fulfill me.  She is wrong though. I do want a "normal life" but not in a normal way.  When I 30, I'll trade in a sports car for a sporty SUV. I am in no rush to get married and have a family. Do I want one? Of course!

Because I have a wandering spirit doesn't mean I can't settle down. There is a difference between settling and building. I want to build a life, not settle for one. I want to explore and reach past my comfort zone so I can inspire my children to do so. I want my children to be individual unique and able to learn through me that fear is a weakness and life is to short for it. See somewhere deep down there is a domestic bone in my body and I'll be making pancakes on Saturday morning, but for right now, I'm enjoying sleeping in and staying up late and being young as long as I possible can. Yeah, call it Peter Pan Syndrome. I am proud to suffer from it, because youth is the one gift you can't buy and you can't get back. Celebrate being restless, it makes you grow.

2012.....Is it really the end??

Recently, I returned from a very relaxing vacation to the Western Caribbean. On my journey, I was lucky to visit Tulum Ruins in Mexico. How to the spirtiual center of the Mayans. Tulum was like their library housing all the great discovery and information the Mayans discovered. Resting on a cliff over looking to turquoise blue water of the Caribbean, Tulum is anything but ordinary.

Angel, our guide for the afternoon, impressed me the most. I was touched by his passion and love for his heritage. The sheer knowledge he had for his culture and past was remarkable. If everyone cared as much as he did about their culture, the world would be a better place. Descending from Mayan heritage, Angel told us a lot about what made the Yuctan unique. Also, he informed us that the whole 2012 thing is a scam. He said the Mayan culture has never predicted the end of the world but the Mayan calendar just resets itself on Dec. 22, 2012. Shew! Hopefully, he is right.

The beach at Tulum was breathtaking. The crystal blue water, the white soft sand all surrounded by the contrasting jagged dark rock cliffs and rocks in the water created what my eyes always envisioned paradise to look like. I think the visual created a thought of a physical description of how opposites really do attract. In such close proximity, two vastly different terrains in one-spot working harmoniously together. A visual Yin and Yang. I think in life people give up to easy when there are opposing sides. I think a lot about relationships, mainly because its an area I am so weak in, but if more relationships focused on loving someone for their differences and accepting them. Like minded people aren't meant to be together. A person will never grow or be interested if there isn't a challenge.

Ending our day in Tulum, I decided to stop at Senor Frosty's.  A small restaurant outside of the ruins. I ordered 3 grouper fish tacos. The tacos were absolutely delicious! Grouper followed by layers of avacado, rice, cliantro, ei ei salsa & a splash of lime juice created a fiesta in my mouth! They were so yummy, very spicy but worth it! More Adventures to come highlighting my most recent trip!

My New Year's Resolution

This just in......I am a horrible blogger. I think I have narrowed it down to two things. 1.) I have about as much free time as the President 2.) I am haven't quite even figured out in life what my "specialty" is.  All these "bloggers" have somehow created a niche for themselves. What the heck is my niche? Geesh, I can't even figure out what I want to be when I grow up, how am I going to narrow it down to a blog topic.

So with this new year upon us, I am going to take advantage of my voice and put my fingers to work and try to document more what my "niche" is. I see so many blogs filled with ideas and words from people who have no idea what they are talking about. Me, I don't want to be like that at all. So, with that I'll start with the only "niche" I know I am good at, interesting stories ;)

Hangzhou, China - April 2011

After a long day touring Suzhou, "Sunny's Home Town" (our tour guide Sunny, ever time she mentioned Suzhou it was either introduce or followed with the words, my hometown, this is important later in the story.), we traveled south to the small suburb (a couple million people) of Hangzhou. Now on the way things got interesting. Our tour bus, filled with middle-aged couples, elderly people seeking their travel dreams, middle-aged bachelors, and us youngsters. Now, anytime you can get two beers for a dollar, well, things will get interesting.  As we started on our drive to Hangzhou, Julie & I decided to make our two hours interesting by spending some dollars and drinking some Shangsui, chinese beer. Needless to say by the end of the trip filled getting Shangsuied and a fellow travelmate bought sake at the reststop we were feeling pretty good by the time we reached Hangzhou. Along the way proved interesting as we took a slight detour into the factory country of China, where all our goods & services are made.  We ventured a huge tour bus into a narrow town filled with astonished passerbyers who obvioulsy weren't use to seeing Americans come through.
   The bus was stuck in this very tight street and for about ten minutes of pulling forward and reverse, I sat wondering how a bus full of thousands of dollars of goods could not get stolen and overthrown by all these people. USA against the rural Chinese.  Needless to say after 15 mintues, we were back on our way and drinking every time Sunny said, "her hometown."

Later that evening,  in the midst of the evening hours, we went to a local bar with none other than a group of Chinese singers singing all the classic American hits from the 1970s. Of course, they weren't ready for what I'd like to call an epic dance number to "Stayin Alive."Let's no forget about karaoke, I still regret not singing some Fleetwood Mac, oh well next time, right? Although, I didn't go out that much in China, the night we got Shangsuied, was hard to forget!

Stories from My China Adventure: Part One

Recently, I traveled to China and it was an amazing travel experience. I loved everything about it! The most exciting thing was being in an environment vastly different from the one I see daily. I was absolutely amazed at how clean Beijing was and how with 20 million people the sidewalks were as clean as downtown Charleston's streets. Beijing seems to go on and on, the city itself is miles and miles wide.

One of my favorite experiences was having lunch at a local families home. The food was AMAZING!!! We walk into this small house where there is one bedroom and one sitting room. The meal consisted of authentic Chinese food the locals eat everyday. We dined on a Chinese cabbage slaw, eggplant with cilantro and soy sauce, pork meatballs, rice, and spicy tofu. There were several things we had that I am not quite sure what they were but they were delicious!! Also, that meal we got cold coke vs. the other meals were are soda was a room temperature.

The meal:

The Summer Palace was one of my favorite places we visited in Beijing. As you walked through the gates, your ears start to hear the sounds of a chinese flute and your eyes start to see the visual of weeping willows, cherry blossom trees, and ancient architecture. We were lucky to visit China in the spring season because the new growth on everything made a beautiful landscape.

Taking Slow Steps............

Who are you suppose to be? That is a question I deal with daily. It's a confusing time in life to have some many options and the pressure with how is my life going to be affected by these decisions. The decisions aren't even huge that overcome me, sometimes the smallest anxiety overcomes me with a thought that if i would have eaten lunch a place B instead of place A, would I have met Mr. Right? 

The other thought that crosses my mind is have I made the right decisions in my life? What if I went to WVU instead of Marshall? What if I got my MBA at another school besides UC? All these past decisions would they have led me in the same exact place. I have always worried about life far more than I need to and at the same time look at life as one huge adventure. I want everything. I don't just want to be alive, I want to live. 

At one point does my quest to live become obsessive? In the midst of this quarter-life crisis when will I know that the time is right to accept my accomplishments are enough?